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La Perra died and it's my fault

I found her this morning.  La Perra was lying besides one of the creek's pillars under San Jacinto.  I don't
think she had been dead too long  because her body was not very cold.
The men at the Picnic tienda where I fed her last Sunday across the street tell me that she's been going down for a month.  I know that she starved to death, and that is the worst death of all.
Last Sunday I wanted to take her to the dog shelter here in San Anto, but they're closed on Sunday. I have two dogs in my tiny yard, and I was afraid to keep her with me.  On Monday I had to deal with my 91 year-old father's pre-funeral wishes in Raymondville, four hours away, and I was afraid to delay his wishes.  La Perra ate a little barbacoa on Sunday morning and I left food with the men, who promised to feed her.  I looked for her on Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday, all week.  She must have been alive, just waiting to die.  I should have pressed Juanillo the homeless man when he told me that La Perra slept with him to help me find her right now.  I should have taken her to the Animal Defense League last Sunday, which is way north on Nacogdoches here, except they are very hard to reach, and the last time I needed their help with the dog I have at home now, they refused.
Still, this is my fault.  I didn't think my girlfriends would help me.  They just tease me and don't really want to know. 
La Perra died because I was afraid of my landlord, of rejection from the ADL, giving up on my friends who don't want to see that a starving dog is the most vulnerable creature in a world of social injustice.
I"m so sorry, La Perra.  I should have, I should have loved you more.  Please forgive me.

Comments

tiffany said…
Barbara, you did your best. Thank you for trying to be La Perra's angel.
Tiffany
Austin Boxer Rescue
kimberlya said…
You are so beautiful, Barbara. Thank you for your bodhisattva ways.
Monet said…
I'm so sorry about La Perra. I know that you tried your hardest. I'm an MFA student at Texas State University, and my Chicano/a literature class just read and discussed your beautiful novel. It was the favorite book we read over the semester, and I wanted you to know that it made a profound impact on me as a writer. Thank you!
monetm1218@hotmail.com
http://anecdotesandapples.weebly.com

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