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La Perra died and it's my fault

I found her this morning.  La Perra was lying besides one of the creek's pillars under San Jacinto.  I don't
think she had been dead too long  because her body was not very cold.
The men at the Picnic tienda where I fed her last Sunday across the street tell me that she's been going down for a month.  I know that she starved to death, and that is the worst death of all.
Last Sunday I wanted to take her to the dog shelter here in San Anto, but they're closed on Sunday. I have two dogs in my tiny yard, and I was afraid to keep her with me.  On Monday I had to deal with my 91 year-old father's pre-funeral wishes in Raymondville, four hours away, and I was afraid to delay his wishes.  La Perra ate a little barbacoa on Sunday morning and I left food with the men, who promised to feed her.  I looked for her on Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday, all week.  She must have been alive, just waiting to die.  I should have pressed Juanillo the homeless man when he told me that La Perra slept with him to help me find her right now.  I should have taken her to the Animal Defense League last Sunday, which is way north on Nacogdoches here, except they are very hard to reach, and the last time I needed their help with the dog I have at home now, they refused.
Still, this is my fault.  I didn't think my girlfriends would help me.  They just tease me and don't really want to know. 
La Perra died because I was afraid of my landlord, of rejection from the ADL, giving up on my friends who don't want to see that a starving dog is the most vulnerable creature in a world of social injustice.
I"m so sorry, La Perra.  I should have, I should have loved you more.  Please forgive me.
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Comments

Unknown said…
Barbara, you did your best. Thank you for trying to be La Perra's angel.
Tiffany
Austin Boxer Rescue
12:29 PM
kimberlya said…
You are so beautiful, Barbara. Thank you for your bodhisattva ways.
10:39 PM
Monet said…
I'm so sorry about La Perra. I know that you tried your hardest. I'm an MFA student at Texas State University, and my Chicano/a literature class just read and discussed your beautiful novel. It was the favorite book we read over the semester, and I wanted you to know that it made a profound impact on me as a writer. Thank you!
monetm1218@hotmail.com
http://anecdotesandapples.weebly.com
12:18 PM
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